BUBBLE OF JOY

I'm a bubble of joy floating around, can you see me? I just passed you. I shared my joy with you . Did you feel it? Positive vibrations all around... You may ask why? I say because I choose to be. I choose to be happy, I choose to wake up with a smile on my face and appreciate the fact that I woke to see another day. Nothing but blue skies and butterflies in my world even though there is nothing but grey winter skies outside. I am happy because I am overflowing with self love, yes love of self. I love me, me, me, yes me , myself and I the woman that is Zora. I have never been this happy in my life and I am going to cling to it for as long as I can. Damnit I going to suck this feeling dry. Apart from love of self I am happy because I have the most amazing people in my life whom I love like you could never imagine, to know how I love them you have to be ME. Bukelwa, Thobela, Lenise these are three phenomenal women who I consider to be some of my best friends and I appreciate them for who they are and the value they add in my life. We have our differences and they know I am not the sweetest of people to be around with but they understand me and I love them for that. Bukelwa and Thobela used to call me a bitch on a daily basis and I didn't mind because at that point in time I was exactly that a BITCH. These days I am all smiles and they keep asking me why and I tell them because I can and they are loving it. Mna I am loving them loving me being happy. Then there is Lenise my little SUNSHINE, she always has my back and always manages to put a smile on my face just nje because she can. She is after all Lenise Lana Lewellyn a humdinger (one that is extra ordinary or remarkable) of a woman and a superduper cool friend. Then of course there is the super phenomenal woman who I like to call mommy, a woman of strenght, a creator and a nuturer. Always there for me through good or bad times. I could go on and on about her but I choose to stop right there. I love her, I love her, I love her. Some other people who have played a role in my Joy are my cyber friends and some friends that came and fit in perfectly in the puzzle that is called Zora. Zona Mpendulo whom I went to Tek with and never really got a chance to talk to but our paths met again because they were destined. I met her in Cape Town and we got a long like a house on fire. Our friendship is very immature at this stage as it is still in its early stages of development but I have a feeling that it will grow and develop to be a strong and mature friendship that will last for sometime to come. I love her smile and like Amel Larrieux says your smile could heal a million souls.All these people have played a part in bringing back my joy or rather helping me find my joy and for that I say much thanx. You are appreciated

Mary- Jane...I used to love her

I had a friend not so long ago...Mary-Jane was her name. I used to love spending time with her. She was a natural beauty. I never knew our relationship could blossom into the beautiful friendship that we had. She was not my type, she was the girl my mother warned me about. She was hated by many and loved by just as much. They used to talk about our friendship. They'd ask what's a good girl like me doing with the likes of Mary-Jane. They didn't know her like I knew her. Mary-Jane was my friend, she was there when I was up, she was there when I was down, she was always there when I needed her. She was never too busy. She was like Jarule, always there when I called and always on time. She gave me her all as well. Sometimes she would be mean to me but that never ended our friendship, in fact it made it stronger. It made me love her more because I would be surprised of what she is capable of. aaaaaaah Mary we were good together. I used to hate it though when you thought you were in control of me. You used to stand as a tower above me and make me sleep when I didn't want to, be quiet, distant and sometimes laugh for no apparent reason. Damn you Mary, but I aint mad, I used to enjoy that. When we were together I was convinced that the best times in life were High. Mary was a good friend of mine ,with her satisfaction was guaranteed all the time. Unfortunately all good things come to an end so I had to end my friendship with the lovely Mary. I gave her the speech: Look BABE,it's not you but definitely me. You have been nothing but good to me but I can't do this anymore. I need space, I need a reality check. I need to be my own person and stop being dependent on you. Mary I love you but as the old cliche says if you love something set it free. I did just that I turned my back on Mary and must say it was and still is hard. I do miss her sometimes but I have to be strong. I do bump into her sometimes because we have mutual friends but I keep my distance and love her for respecting my decision and staying the hell away from me. Oh Mary bekumnandi ukwazi...I see you still continuing doing what you do best and making people happy and all I can say is keep up the good work.

why can't i say i am black?

I am a child of mixed races. If we were in America I would call myself biracial but then again we are not. My mother is Xhosa and my father is coloured and, in essence, they are both black. So why can’t I say I am black?

As I was growing up I had to defend and justify who and what I am. I was too black to be coloured and too coloured to be black. Sounds weird, nuh?

Well, the thing is when I was with coloured people I was this "kroeskop" girl and they felt the need to speak English to me and would be amazed at the fact that I could speak Afrikaans.

As I grew older and I met Xhosa people they would look at me and ask “Sorry, are you Xhosa”? I would say yes and ask why and their response would be: "It's just that you look coloured.” Then they would add: “You must have a bit of colouredness in you.”

So my experience has been that upon meeting someone for the first time, I have had to tell them my life story. I tell them about my parents and that it has resulted in a "beautiful cocktail", which is me.

But why should I have to explain and justify my blackness? I have found that if I say that I am Xhosa, the next question is "ungumni" (what’s your clan name)? As I don't have one, they say I must be coloured.

Why can't I just be me? Why should I justify my blackness by putting an ethnic label before it? Why can’t I say I am black and be accepted. Better yet why can’t I say I am an African because in essence that is what I am?

I am 24 years young and still have to explain myself. At technikon my friends named me a "mix", so they now refer to me as Mix. I don’t care what they call me, I know who I am. I am Zora, black, bald and butted. I am my own person and don’t need anything or anyone to validate me.

So, call me what you want to call me, Xhosa, Coloured or mix, but I will remain the beautiful cocktail that I am.